Craigslist Posting: Missed Connections: Generation Next

I've been struggling with something for a while.

People.

  People are really hard.  We are all a complex set of thoughts, feelings, and experiences all wrapped up in a watery goo. (Taken from my human anatomy notes that I just made up)  The crazy part is generally speaking, we understand the gooey parts.  Legs go here.  Eyes go here.  Kidneys go there.  Physically there is a form and function to everything.  It's the rest of that feely-thinky stuff that really gets gooey.

  Now I am about as much a social psychologist as I am a writer. (maybe you've seen my blog?)  but in my 25 years on this earth I feel like I am no closer to understanding people than I was they day I came into it.  And I'm not even talking about the real crazies.  I'm talking about the people you see every day.  That cute girl that works at Bed, Bath and Beyond who helped you decorate your apartment, the homely bartender at your local dive, the hoards of 20-somethings with their noses glued to their cell phones and crying out for a deeper connection.  

And this is where I am currently struggling.

  My generation is lost.  Not in the, "You'll never amount to anything and you've failed me as a son" (MOM!)  sense, but in the "We are all wanting to be connected to something bigger and do something bigger but we are all too 'plugged in' to see the world around us" kind of lost.

  We share pictures of pop-tarts and airplane wings in fancy filters to get an electronic thumbs up.  We share our 140 character thoughts to show how clever we are and how much fun we are having without our ex.  We put our headphones in, sunglasses on, and pretend we didn't just make eye contact across the room.

  Our interactions are hollow.  We talk about sports statistics and Miley Cyrus.  (She is still relevant right?)  We regale stories of blacked-out nights and hungover mornings.  We brag about all the "fucks we don't give."  Our conversations are as meaningful as your high school GPA in a job interview.

 It is so exhausting!

  Living in a new city has been a challenge for me.  Branching out and meeting new like minded people has been more difficult than I had expected it to be.  I have waded through so many "So where are you from?  What's your major?"  chats that if I have one more I may vomit.

   Our communications lack content and connection.

  So ask yourself, when was the last time you had a REAL conversation?  Have you been emotionally or intellectually challenged by a conversation recently?  When was the last time you talked to someone about what you or they love?  Whether they love music, fitness, cooking, muscle cars, nature, who cares what it is!  When was the last time you told someone how you truly felt?

There is such a deeper connetion we could all be having if we could just open up and talk.  Share yourself with someone else.  Ask them how they are doing, and REALLY care.

    Maybe if we shared our hearts instead of our weekend plans we'd feel connected.  Maybe if we opened ourselves up to those around us we'd feel like we belong.  Show someone kindness and compassion instead of cute dog videos.  

  People are really hard.  Our young generation is struggling to find its way.  But I believe with a little kindness and good conversation we can start to feel like we at least belong here, together.

With good health and strong hamstrings,

Mike

Mike Gets Menopause at the Gym

Trust me, it only gets worse.

  Today, I bring you a story from my workout.  This is all true.  It happened.  And I'm not ashamed.

  On my current program, Monday's are my heavy leg days.  Unlike many people I cherish these days.  I live for the "post leg workout I just got hit by a train" feeling.  So, today, I was very excited to get into the gym and move some weight around.  

  Now at the gym. I'm a bit of a recluse.  I put my headphones in, crank the dubstep, and shut out the world.  And today was no exception to that.  Until I started my incline leg presses.

 About two working sets in out of five I was moving 450# for sets of 4-6.  Yes that's me bragging, deal with it.  When suddenly the WUB WUB WUB WUB BWWAAAAHHH NNNNN ZZZZZ WUB WUB WUB in my headphones came to a lull.  Into my earballs wafts the simplistic piano melody of Gary Jules' rendition of "Mad World" over the gym's speakers.

For those of you unfamiliar with the song

Something in me snapped.

    I was not prepared to hear this song that I truly love.  My complicated emotions of gym rage face and a deep seeded sorrow for our worlds current climate collided like the Spartan 300 and the Persian Army.

  I began shake laughing.  Tears were welling up in my eyes because I was so emotionally distraught.  I was smiling like a crazy person because I was so happy to hear this hauntingly beautiful song I hadn't heard in so long.  My legs were screaming at me like a drill sergeant, "GET ONE MORE REP YOU PANSY!"  

Yeah, that's right.  I didn't stop my set for this nonsense.

  I felt like in that very moment I understood what it was like to get menopause.  My body not functioning the way I want it to.  Cold, angry sweating.  Violent mood swings, from pure elation and euphoria to oppressive sadness and back again, all in the matter of one leg press rep.

  Trying to see myself from an outside perspective in this moment, I had to have looked like Michael Fassbender in X-Men: First Class, minus the fantastic hair and glass cutting jaw line.  That moment where Magneto finds "the point between rage and serenity" and Michael Fassbender is smile-crying whilst making peace with his mother's death and simultaneously stopping Beast from DVRing that weeks episode of "Game of Thrones" by moving their giant 1960s DirecTV dish.  Yes, I realize that joke is fraught with continuity issues but I don't care.  This is my blog.

THAT IS WHAT I LOOKED LIKE

  

  And then the song ended.  I cooly finished my remaining sets, got up from the leg press machine, and began to strip the weight off, being sure to avoid any chance of eye contact with these strangers who had just seen me go through the emotional equivalent of watching Disney's "Up."  And I carried on with my workout as if nothing had happened.

  There is no lesson to this story.  I have no advice based on this event.  If I did it would be something to the likes of, "Don't have an emotional breakdown at the gym.  It makes everyone uncomfortable.  Do that at home with a plate of cheese and season four of Dexter on Netflix by yourself." 

With good health and strong hamstrings,

Mike

Just a thought

  You know how people buy drinks for girls in bars?  Why can't people do that at supplement stores?  Like if I'm looking at a pre-workout at GNC and some person walks up to me and strikes up a conversation and offers to buy the pre-workout for me there is a lot better chance of me working out harder.

More to come soon!

With good health and strong hamstrings,

Mike

#TBT

 

 

Because Arnold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody has ever said anything better than this ever.

Mike Does Des Moines

I'm moving!

 

 

Home sweet temporary home

 

 

  That's right fitness friends, I will be spending the majority of my summer in lovely Des Moines, Iowa.  As I was looking for summer work in Cedar Falls, I was unable to find anyone who was willing to hire me for a short term period of time before I move down to Iowa City in the fall.

 

 

Luckily my friends are awesome.

 

  I will be working for a fellow fitness beast, Andrew Brown, (who just squatted 315 lbs! Almost twice his body weight) as a private security officer. 

 

We look awfully "secure"





 

 

  I will be moving down to Des Moines for the last half of May then returning home to go play lost in the woods for the majority of June with Uncle Sam. 

 

^Prick

 

  So all you Des Moines locals, I have a major question for you.  Where the f^$% should I workout while I am in Des Moines?  I have a few simple requirements for my gym.

 

Requirements

 

1.  Squat racks on squat racks on squat racks. Because, duh.

2.  Good pullup bars.  Not those bs pull up/chest dip/leg raise systems.  Give me a bar hanging from the ceiling and I'm happy.

3.  West Des Moines locale.  I will be living with the only woman I trust and want to something close to home.

4.  I am not paying $100+ dollars for a Crossfit gym.  Cheaper is better.

5.  Concept 2 Rowers.

6.  24 hour locations would be good as I don't know when I will be working yet for sure.

7.  Short term memberships as I won't be in Des Moines more than 2 months.

 

 

  I know it's a little bit picky but it's what I want in a gym.  But if you find me a gym I like and end up going to not only will I love you even more but I might even let you watch me work out!  Thanks in advance and I hope to see my Des Moines friends in the gym soon!

 

 

With good health and strong hamstrings,

Mike 

 

 

  



Sexy Gym Girls are Sexy

I'm sorry.

This is going to get slightly misogynistic.

I warned you

  Every single day I am confronted by a very serious issue.  And that problem is beautiful women just being beautiful at the gym.  It's no secret that men are hardwired to seek out these lovely potential mates.  However the gym is not your typical Darren Beck establishment and neither of us have enough Coors Light in us to obscure the line between casual conversation and blatant flirting.  Hopefully...  There must be a way to treat these muscular vixens while they get their fitness on.  Let's take a look at these problems and how we as gentlemen can coexist with pretty girls at the gym.

 Problem #1-  You are staring at her.

  Resting between sets, your mind and eyes begin to wander.  Unfortunately your eyes have wandered towards the five foot two inch tall blond in yoga pants and what barely consummates a sports bra doing deep lunges.

I hope she isn't pointing that finger gun at me

And you're caught!

 You play it cool and pretend like you were looking lazily around the room and proceed to hold eye contact with everyone in the gym for just a little too long.  And she'll never know.  Whew!  Crisis averted.

  There isn't a single guy at the gym that hasn't done this at least once.  And to women it really isn't fair.  While you are just trying to move some weight and tone up that posterior chain so you can wear those cute new Buckle jeans you got out on the town with your girlfriends, we are staring at and objectifying your posterior chain. It's rude, disrespectful, and we just can't help it sometimes.  I'm sorry!

  Helpful tip guys- Keep your eyes up and be mindful of where you are looking.  No woman wants to be stared at at the gym.

  

Problem #2-  She likes fitness.  I like fitness.  Maybe I should talk to her and date her.

  I love talking about fitness.  Maybe you've seen my blog?  But the gym is not your own personal live action eHarmony dating site.  There is a time and place to talk about workout programs and opinions on steady state cardio vs HIIT.  The gym is not one of those places.

"Do you Crossfit?  You look like you Crossfit."

  Women come to the gym with one purpose and one purpose only.  To workout.  They don't want to sit and talk to you about their weekend.  They don't care that you just started doing Arnold's arm workout.  They didn't see that Youtube video of Frank Medrano being a freak.

Seriously though.

Helpful tip guys-  Stop talking and start lifting.  If she wants to talk to you let her come to you.  Besides, avoiding her makes you seem more mysterious.  Right?

  

Problem #3-  She is squatting wrong.  I better go teach her how.

  If you do this you are the worst human being in the history of Earth.  You have combined the two worst things to do to a female at the gym, (staring at and communicating with) into one maelstrom of chauvinistic douchebaggery.

Let's break this down.

  1.  You were staring at her while she was squatting.  I thought we talked about this!?

  2.  You are using "teaching" as a way to open a conversation with her.  Hint: They know you are doing that.

  3.  You are assuming you know more about working out than her because she's a girl.

  4.  Chances are the advice you are giving her is verbatim what you saw in an Elliot Hulse Youtube video and you have no actual qualifications to be teaching her or anyone.

  Let me be clear I hate watching people do things "wrong" at the gym.  I've even stepped in when I see guys do this:

It hurts my everything

  But unless you think she is truly going to hurt herself there is no reason to suddenly become an amateur movement coach.

  As a matter of fact what makes you so qualified to teach her how to do "x" exercise?  To assume you know more than her is just plain sexist.  If she is working in the rack chances are she knows just as much about squatting as you do; and what you remember from your high school football coach isn't going to help her any. 

  Helpful tip guys-  She doesn't need or want your help.

  Women can't seem to escape male sexuality, especially at the gym.  On behalf of every gym bro who has oggled you, tried to coach you, flirted with you, or interrupted your workout in any way, I sincerely apologize.  Most of us mean no harm and are just glad you are here.  Guys, show some respect and let women do the same thing you came to the gym to do, workout!

Did I mention I'm sorry?

  

  

Monday Motivation!

Get to it!