Hi! The name’s Mike, but my real friends call me Mike. I was born in Iowa, corn-fed and beef-raised, though recently my diet has comprised more of yogurt and bagel bites (not mixed together). I grew up with a saxophone in one hand and a comic book in the other, but my artistic flair has taken a backseat to my love of fitness. Hey – don’t judge. She’s always down 24/7 and she is a wicked, humbling temptress.


I joined the Iowa National Guard at the age of 20 and life was forever changed. It took until then to really care about my body and I’ve felt happier, more confident, and more content ever since. It helped clear the weeds from my path and made it obvious where my purpose was: not just fitness, but spreading the word. I want to be fit myself, sure, but what’s more, I want to help others be happy, confident, and content, too.


All of this is why I started this blog. I want to get the word out there…and maybe post the occasional picture of my calves. 2nd favorite body part? My calves. Don’t fret – as you read my blog you’ll soon discover that this façade of narcissism is really veiling the juicy stuff underneath. I often post about girls not liking me, reading books on the universe, how to avoid crying in public, and not being a bro, too. I’m not. I swear.


As you explore the blog you’ll explore with me fitness and fitness philosophy. Are you ready? Good. Grab a bottle of whisky and buckle up, because this is going to get weird

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Sexy Gym Girls are Sexy

I'm sorry.

This is going to get slightly misogynistic.

I warned you

  Every single day I am confronted by a very serious issue.  And that problem is beautiful women just being beautiful at the gym.  It's no secret that men are hardwired to seek out these lovely potential mates.  However the gym is not your typical Darren Beck establishment and neither of us have enough Coors Light in us to obscure the line between casual conversation and blatant flirting.  Hopefully...  There must be a way to treat these muscular vixens while they get their fitness on.  Let's take a look at these problems and how we as gentlemen can coexist with pretty girls at the gym.

 Problem #1-  You are staring at her.

  Resting between sets, your mind and eyes begin to wander.  Unfortunately your eyes have wandered towards the five foot two inch tall blond in yoga pants and what barely consummates a sports bra doing deep lunges.

I hope she isn't pointing that finger gun at me

And you're caught!

 You play it cool and pretend like you were looking lazily around the room and proceed to hold eye contact with everyone in the gym for just a little too long.  And she'll never know.  Whew!  Crisis averted.

  There isn't a single guy at the gym that hasn't done this at least once.  And to women it really isn't fair.  While you are just trying to move some weight and tone up that posterior chain so you can wear those cute new Buckle jeans you got out on the town with your girlfriends, we are staring at and objectifying your posterior chain. It's rude, disrespectful, and we just can't help it sometimes.  I'm sorry!

  Helpful tip guys- Keep your eyes up and be mindful of where you are looking.  No woman wants to be stared at at the gym.
  
Problem #2-  She likes fitness.  I like fitness.  Maybe I should talk to her and date her.

  I love talking about fitness.  Maybe you've seen my blog?  But the gym is not your own personal live action eHarmony dating site.  There is a time and place to talk about workout programs and opinions on steady state cardio vs HIIT.  The gym is not one of those places.

"Do you Crossfit?  You look like you Crossfit."

  Women come to the gym with one purpose and one purpose only.  To workout.  They don't want to sit and talk to you about their weekend.  They don't care that you just started doing Arnold's arm workout.  They didn't see that Youtube video of Frank Medrano being a freak.


Seriously though.

Helpful tip guys-  Stop talking and start lifting.  If she wants to talk to you let her come to you.  Besides, avoiding her makes you seem more mysterious.  Right?

  
Problem #3-  She is squatting wrong.  I better go teach her how.

  If you do this you are the worst human being in the history of Earth.  You have combined the two worst things to do to a female at the gym, (staring at and communicating with) into one maelstrom of chauvinistic douchebaggery.
Let's break this down.

  1.  You were staring at her while she was squatting.  I thought we talked about this!?
  2.  You are using "teaching" as a way to open a conversation with her.  Hint: They know you are doing that.
  3.  You are assuming you know more about working out than her because she's a girl.
  4.  Chances are the advice you are giving her is verbatim what you saw in an Elliot Hulse Youtube video and you have no actual qualifications to be teaching her or anyone.

  Let me be clear I hate watching people do things "wrong" at the gym.  I've even stepped in when I see guys do this:

It hurts my everything

  But unless you think she is truly going to hurt herself there is no reason to suddenly become an amateur movement coach.

  As a matter of fact what makes you so qualified to teach her how to do "x" exercise?  To assume you know more than her is just plain sexist.  If she is working in the rack chances are she knows just as much about squatting as you do; and what you remember from your high school football coach isn't going to help her any. 

  Helpful tip guys-  She doesn't need or want your help.

  Women can't seem to escape male sexuality, especially at the gym.  On behalf of every gym bro who has oggled you, tried to coach you, flirted with you, or interrupted your workout in any way, I sincerely apologize.  Most of us mean no harm and are just glad you are here.  Guys, show some respect and let women do the same thing you came to the gym to do, workout!

Did I mention I'm sorry?



  

  
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